A New Year

We had a wonderful conversation this morning during carpool that I wanted to preserve for all of you. We discussed the upcoming new year and what it means when people say "Have a good and sweet new year." I asked - what does that mean - isn't it enough to say "have a good year" - why ask for sweet also. Aside from my candy craver (who undoubtedly was thinking it meant a year full of sweets) I got some good answers. One in particular hit on the point I wanted to make - she said "good is good, sweet is sweet - they are not the same." Elaborating on that, I asked if shots were good and we all agreed they were. I then asked if they felt good - or sweet - and the unanimous answer was "NO!" We saw that things which can be good don't always seem good. What we hope for the new year (for ourselves and others) is that things should be good but also seem good and sweet to us. Happy New Year!

Giving Thanks

Daugher #1, here is the beautiful speech you gave today to preserve for posterity: Ten years is a long time. I will try to be brief as I share a few thoughts about this time. I feel extremely lucky to be standing here today celebrating the 10th anniversary of my diagnosis. I would like to express my thanks to my doctors and my family and friends and most of all hashem for giving me good health as we begin the new year these positive thoughts I hope we can continue to have a positive year for our class and each of our families and all of clal yisreal

A Guest Post (for our baker)

It's 11:30 pm , and even though it is not quite yet midnight, I just had a delicious 'midnight snack' . It all started when I dropped off a delivery at the home of a friend early this evening. Two young children were prancing about the front yard. Obviously, they were the family's official welcoming committee. Because, no sooner had I closed the car door, then they immediately invited me into their home. I followed them into the house, and behold-there were more children! One in diapers (and not much else) being held by the 9 year old. And then suddenly, out of no where, appeared a 'baker'. In a green, dough-spotted apron. With something red and green in the palm of her hands. And I thought ... 'What a great mother! She hires a baker to bake all kinds of goodies for her kids'. Right off the bat, the baker offered me the cookie, fresh from the oven. At first I didn't want to take it, thinking that she might not have enough left for Rosh Hashonna if everyone who walks into her house takes her cookies. But this was soon to be resolved. Following her into the kitchen ... careful not to step on all the dough, tin foil, and baking utensils strewn all over the KITCHEN FLOOR , I realized that there were many more cookies from where this one came. In all different shapes too.And the baker turned out NOT to be hired help, but to be the eldest child... who had undertaken this enormous project so that the family and their cousins could have apple cookies for Rosh Hashonna. We wrapped the cookie carefully ... and I carted it home. As soon a I walked in, I put it in a very special place. Where no one would find. It's not that I am selfish ... it's just that it was soooo tempting. All night long I told everyone how tired they looked,and how they ought to go to sleep a bit early tonight. But no one listened. There is lots to do around the house before Rosh Hashonna, and everyone was busy, busy. Now, finally .. the house is quiet. Everyone is asleep. I run to the refrigerator to pour myself a cold glass of milk. And then to my secret hiding place. I lift the hood of my piano, and there it is. My red and green apple cookie. My almost-midnight snack. And into the kitchen, suddenly, walks my husband. I am caught with the 'goods'. He tells me that he has never seen such a delicious -looking apple. It's almost Rosh Hashonna. And in that spirit, I share my delicious cookie!!!

Passing Time

Like with all extra things, life gets in the way of actually getting to all of what you intend to get to. Thankfully the days are full of good things and just keeping me very busy. The baby is now getting his first tooth, a very exciting but not too restful event. All the rest of you are settling into your new school year pretty nicely. It is hard to transition from the free time of summer to the more rigorous schedule of the year - homework and lunches and everything else - but you are doing great. I'm getting into a routine as well, hard to believe mommy's need a routine - laundry, biking, cleaning, grocery shopping, exercise and all that good stuff. On top of the regulars I have an exciting new project that I'm working on which is keeping my mind active (sometimes the household stuff makes you feel a little numb and not thinking). I try to keep my mind active with some online classes also - to feel like learning is a part of my life when it can work. So I guess today's main lesson is - keep learning but never feel like all the other stuff you do (at any point in your life) is a waste or pointless - if no one did the laundry or cleanup around here - nothing could work either - so the learning is important and so is the practicals. Ok talking about practicals I better get to them!

Hiking (the world is your adventure)

Well, here we are again - Labor Day weekend and the perfect off days. As we often do, we took a family outing. This time it was hiking - one of my favorites (as long as there are no scary animal encounters). I was reminded of two things while we hiked the forest. The first was from this book I recently read (the book itself was pretty strange but I got some good pointers from it) - it was saying how each person has their own song in this world and sometimes we find it and sing it and other times we never find it. It is an interesting idea - that we can be in "tune" with ourselves and understand who we are and our place in this world. When you go hiking and see the world from such a quiet perspective, just you and the trees and mountains or hills or whatever else you see in nature - away from cars, streets, lots of people, computers and phones and everything else that distracts us in the world - you can really understand what the song of the universe really means. You are more attuned to yourself and have more time to think when you are in a forest. The other was the Pocahontas song about how we really don't listen to the world around us. It is very true - we live in a noisy world and quiet is an important thing. If we look closely we may really be able to see the colors of the wind.

Funny How These Things Change

Well, one of the kids asked me why I don't write to them and say you when I talk about them instead of "the kids" so I figured, this is for them, basically, why not change (we should try and be flexible when we can, right, especially those of us who are very rigid about a lot of things). So here goes...
Dear Kids,
Since this is my sort-of online diary for you guys - I'm going to try to write to you and see how that goes. When we write directly to someone and address them it is called first person. I guess it is good if you guys can learn a little from this in addition to hearing me "speak" my thoughts. What started as a funny little experiment is growing into a sort of memoir of me for you guys - that is probably way too out of your reach at this point.
I can't remember if I have told you this on this blog so I'm going to explain my diary idea. When my father died suddenly, almost 8 years ago now, we were all trying to find a way to deal with what had happened. We missed my Dad terribly, we had all had a very special relationship and connection with our father which is an amazing thing to cherish. Each child in the family had their own way of dealing with our loss. I put together a book for my family of different things from my father's life and his writings and memoir items that was a way to sit and think about and appreciate and remember him. My sister gave us all a copy of a diary my father had written for her. She had given my Dad a present of a journal once and since she was a writer and someone who appreciated writing, my father decided to write the journal for her. Little did he know that years later his writings and thoughts would be a great source of comfort for his children who missed him terribly. It would be a way to stop, sit down, and think about their father and remember him. It is a different type of remembering him - not thinking about his accomplishments or of what people said about him - but actually remembering how he sounded, his voice, his expressions - while reading what he wrote, it was a way to remember the person you loved so dearly in an entirely different way. I appreciated that journal more than you can imagine. Then and there I decided I was going to do the same thing for you guys. You would have my words, my "voice," captured in a way that you could remember me forever. I started with great aspirations (high hopes) and thought I'd write daily. Well, with a family and a job, daily turned to weekly turned to monthly - you get the point. Life gets so busy and funny enough, just as my Dad had written in his journal, I found myself writing "it's been a long time since I picked this up." I still write in that journal periodically, they are big updates, thoughts and I love it. Still, in practical life, there isn't a way to keep it up on a regular basis. Then I realized that I had a different way to start the same idea. We are all on the computer all the time these days - we email, do work, check out the bank accounts, and every other thing under the sun - why not start an online journal or diary - write whatever I feel like for whoever wants to read it - and then later on, when you guys are older and maybe can enjoy it more - you'll go back to it. I can print it all out and save it for you periodically. I figured it would be neat for me and maybe fun for you. That's where this started. I like to see it taking off - hearing on or another of you saying "I have to check my posts" - makes me happy. Have to go to sleep but love talking to you all.
Love,
Mommy

Changing Ages

It is so interesting to see how the practical part of parenting changes with the different ages of the kids. When my kids were all little it was all about getting things accomplished - baths, supper, story time, etc. Now with kids of different ages the dynamic is so different. Older kids can be so helpful (when they choose to) with younger kids - you no longer have to figure out how to get a shower in each day or how to get supper on the table - you can hand off a baby to a bigger kid and know they are safe and the house will still be standing when you're done. It is a balance, for sure, because other things come up as well - bigger children, bigger emotions, bigger issues etc. There is always the additional balance of making sure you don't ask too much -- mom's are jugglers in that way -- but sometimes you can find a good balance between getting help and creating helpful children and getting things done in the house in an easier way and not asking too much - that is a mouthful!

Restraunt Night (at home)

Wow - what a fun night to be a mom. One of the kids came and jokingly asked me (with pen and pad in hand) what I'd like to order for the night - so I told her exactly what I'd love for dinner - she then decided to be the restaurateur for the night - took orders for everyone (thankfully its pizza night for the kids so that made her job easier) and provided the service and food for the entire family! I was treated to omelet (with mushrooms and onions sauteed separately) and toast and there was fresh cut watermelon for dessert. I love spontaneous nights like these - they keep life fun and exciting!

Starting School

Wow - school starts in a flurry of activity. It is so hard to get ready and then all of the sudden, here it is and it is time to change gears! We went from busy busy summer stuff to a real schedule - we will all miss the summer (I think) - I know I will miss having all my kids home and getting to do whatever we want whenever we want! Now it is time to be in a new mode. On the first day - teachers seem so strict (some of them) and you wonder (and fear) what the year will be like with them. I had a teacher once who taught about how to teach and he said that teachers shouldn't smile until December - I thought he was a bit extreme - but I understand teachers who try to make a strong impression - those kind, who are really truly kind inside but have rules and don't let kids rule the room - are the best kind. What I say when the year starts is - give teachers a chance - as long as they don't yell or do evil things - let them have a few weeks to make a real impression. Don't be set against them to start (I was a teacher once, I know how they feel) - give them time for you to get to know them. It's like - give peace a chance...give teach's a chance!

Full Days

Some days are so full - errands, taking care of life's necessities - it is amazing how long you can be out of the house and running. I think back to school stuff makes for a lot of errands - and there are 2 kinds of people, of course, those who like errands and the rest of us. Some people invent errands - I've seen it - it is amazing - they can go to 5 stores to do their grocery shopping (maybe some call them bargain hunters) and they are just forever finding reasons to go to more stores! I personally don't love errands - I do them as efficiently as I can but summer doesn't bode well for efficiency. So here's to getting over with errands days - hooray!

Emotions

Well, since this is taking the form as a journal to the kids I think I am going to write some things I've thought about and want to share. I find it interesting to deal with so many different emotions with kids - about kids, how to deal with their emotions, and how they do/don't think about parent's emotions. Kids are at the same time such vast human beings and so small minded. Sometimes they seem to think in the global realm while other times they seem to only see what is happening at that instant. It is a hard thing to figure out which part of their essence to address at any given moment. As a parent, with emotions of my own, I wonder whether they think about or realize that I too have emotions and need to grapple with them. When they say "you're a mean mom" or "you're not understanding me" (or caring, etc) - they can't realize (probably until they themselves are parents) how hard it is to cast away my own emotions of sympathy, concern in order to resolve issues they are facing. When one has a behavioral issue or seems too self-centered, pointing it out to them and giving them consequences can be so difficult - especially once they see the mistakes they made and seem, if only momentarily, to have remorse and want things to be different. How easy it would be to give in and forget the consequences - but would it turn them into better people? Would it resolve the problem? I read this article in the NY Times about children feeling guilt and how it turns them into better people even if those same children don't seem to be able to control their actions -- needless to say it made me think a lot about discipline and feel better at the same time. I'm not sure if this flows but it is some of what I was thinking about the kids.

Sick Days

Some days are just sick days - someone with fever, someone just cranky - I think we get through these days by taking an hour at a time. Thank G-d for tylenol!

An evening of cooking

Well, I've decided this is a great medium to keep a journal for my kids - so I guess this may take that form. Tonight was awesome - family time at work - the kids and I did "night activity" (in our Camp Mommy, that's for another post) - cooking for the weekend. Each child was given a different job to do and each did it so beautifully - my oldest made Challah bread, middle cleaned and marinated chicken, and #4 made rice with deli in it - it was a very neat and fun experience. Left me feeling proud!

Crying Babies

Facing the never-ending question - is it really good to let babies cry in their crib to go to sleep? I am a strong believer in theory but when the reality comes, it is very hard to listen to this.

The Beginning

Just blogging to see how it works - not sure if this will get zero hits but figured it was worth a try. Sometimes it is just nice to hear ourself talk/think/write. I guess my subject matter is going to mostly be about staying at home with kids, being a good wife and mom at the same time, and probably whatever else comes to mind.